Iron Sharpens Iron

A couple of weeks ago, I was at a leadership gathering and one of my colleagues was describing a working relationship. She said that they challenged one another, pushed one another, and made one another better at their work. The phrase she used was "iron sharpens iron."

It really got me thinking about how we support one another as leaders and what we value in the other leadership around us. I need people around me who push me and challenge me - people who sharpen my iron. It can certainly be challenging to hear feedback or opposing points of view, but I have learned to reflect and consider it from multiple angles so that I can come back to a point where I can hear it. I have had to push myself to recognize that when I am uncomfortable in feedback or some kind of challenging thinking, that there is usually more truth than I am able to hear initially. By taking the time to reflect and look at it from different angles, I can often come back and find how I need to grow.

So, how do we learn to sharpen the iron of those around us without being abrasive or too cutting and how do we help our teams learn to appreciate and value the need for sharpening? It can be challenging to give feedback or share an opposing point of view without sounding argumentative or even rude. In Leadership and Self-Deception, by the Arbinger Institute, we observe leadership from "inside and outside the box." We learn about how we can give direct and even difficult feedback to others without devaluing others. For me, this book has had a significant impact in my own leadership development and it is a title I return to again and again.

It can be as difficult to share an opposing point of view as it is to hear one. In this talk by Margaret Hefferman, she talks about the importance of teaching the skills of defending a topic, usually saved for Ph.D. work, to students of every level in order to develop thinking classrooms and organizations. In order to engage in this act of challenge developing and encouraging thinking, we must let go of believing that we must always be right. It is not a matter of right or wrong when we are pushing thinking. We must allow for the discomfort that happens when we are challenged, or when we need to challenge the thinking of others. When we allow the voices of a few negative or outspoken persons to represent our thinking because we are not comfortable in defending our own beliefs, then we are all weakened. When we sharpen one another, as iron sharpens iron, we strengthen the entire system and become the best version of ourselves.