Parents Are Our First Teachers

This past week, we had an amazing College and Career Day at my school. We had visitors come in and share their career stories and career paths with our students. So many people from our community came to share their stories with our students and (hopefully) inspire them to see their potential and their future. Students were chosen to have a career for the day - shadowing staff members to learn what skills they would need in those careers.

My father came to speak with the 4th graders at Dr. Weeks. I was extremely proud to introduce him to my staff and students. He talked with the students about his career path and shared his story of perseverance and determination with the students at my school.

My father is driven and purposeful. He always pushed us to be the best we could be and encouraged us that we could do anything as long as we did it well. Making him proud has always been important to me, so sharing my school with him last week was a very powerful experience.

In 1928, my grandfather opened a storefront for used auto parts and appliance repairs with his brother-in-law. The used parts business grew during the depression and my grandfather expanded into replacement parts and providing parts to automotive repair shops throughout the Finger Lakes area. My father returned from the Viet Nam War in 1969 and joined my grandfather in the business in 1970 - not because he was drawn to the automotive aftermarket, but because my grandfather was sick and needed help and my father felt like it was the least he could do.

The philosophy of "if you are going to do something, do it well" describes my father and his commitment to taking over my grandfather's business. Auto parts wasn't his dream, but he certainly found his voice in leading the business. He used that voice to develop a successful business, to raise a family of strong voices who also became strong leaders, and to influence the growth and development of a community. I have continued to live by and teach by the same motto - making sure that if I was doing anything that I would do it well.

Parents are our first teachers. I was fortunate to have parents who encouraged my leadership and supported me in what I was working toward. So many of our children need us to be the voice of encouragement and support. If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well. Parenting. Teaching. Leadership. They all take that same kind of commitment. They are all extremely hard work - but they are all worth it.

Encouraging Influence

It's March. You would think that students would have all the skills that they need to be successful in school, right? You would think that if we were really embedding the pro-social skills that students needed to learn into our every day lessons, morning meetings, restorative circles, and restorative conferences that they would have mastered it and be appreciative of the news skills that we have taught them, right? 

Well, yes and no. Probably more no than yes. 

I was very fortunate to be trained as a trainer for Tribes, a community building philosophy by Jeanne Gibbs (http://tribes.com/). On our path to building community in our classrooms, we experience "influence," a period where individual needs are expressed, there is push-back against the norm, or individual differences are brought to the fore-front. 

As a teacher, I would provide opportunities early on that encouraged influence in my classroom. I felt like I would rather get all of the cards on the table so I could effectively plan for what I was dealing with. My colleagues often had a very different approach - they were often intimidated by what influence brought forth from our students. But think about what we are giving up on if we don't teach through influence - we are missing the opportunity to teach students that they can trust us with deeper sharing; we miss the opportunity to teach debate or appropriate confrontation; we miss the opportunity to deal with the problems that happen in our classroom community and be the ultimate go-to person for all of those children. 

I get it - our students do not choose the most appropriate times during our day to have moments of push-back or struggle. But I would challenge us to think about the way that we have been using our morning meetings and restorative circles in engaging our students on a deeper level. We mastered greetings as a social skill early on - so morning meeting should shift as well. Embed questions that allow for more individual responses. Allow students to role-play situations that they have to deal with every day like peer pressure, differences between home and school expectations, trying to be academic successful when that is not the norm, or using other skills than fighting back. Are your morning meetings and restorative circles predominantly teacher led and teacher talk? We cannot get our students to master skills related to emotional regulation by doing all of the processing and all of the talking. 

What are some ways that you can address issues of influence in your classroom? 

• Embed social expectations into every learning experience. Just as you would include expectations for academic proficiency during independent or group work, include expectations for being respectful, being safe, or fulfilling roles within a group. These things have to be modeled, rehearsed, and taught in order for the expectations to be enough.
• Allow opportunities for reflection on academic and social expectations. If students are not able to see what you see in terms of their social interactions, they cannot be a part of the solution. By reflecting on how we worked as a group or how well we listened to our partner, students are able to be a part of the problem solving for how we might do that better.
• Problem solve with, not for, students. When I taught middle school, I had a first block class with 90 students for 90 minutes (7/8 Chorus). I needed them to be able to work together and there was no way that I could get that through my leadership alone. One of the best strategies I used with that large group was called "Fly on the Ceiling." I would ask students to write on an index card "If I were a fly on the ceiling in today's class, I would have seen..." Then I would read the cards back to the class (anonymously) and ask them for reflections on how that made them feel, how we were or were not able to meet our objectives, and what solutions they could propose for making it different. As the classroom leader, this meant I had to be open to their suggestions - I was, after all, trying to empower leadership in my students.
• Be real with and for your students. Our kids are dealing with some hard stuff. Are you open to what they might share in your circle? Are you prepared for the level of trust that will be needed of you when a child shares their true self? Do you provide opportunities to share on the tough realities that our kids are living with? There is a huge difference in having a morning meeting that is a greeting and sharing how you feel on a fist to five scale and having a question in circle that allows everyone to share something that they might be struggling with right now. If you can build the kind of trust with your students that allows them to share their true self with you, then you can really plan for how you will proceed in the classroom.
• Role-play, practice, rehearse, and allow for students to give feedback. As the teacher, you set the stage, but students should be doing the real work. When you give students the tools and allow them to practice those tools, they can grow and help others grow as well. Using role-play and rehearsal in the classroom is a valuable tool - especially if you give scenarios that are similar to what is happening in the classroom but are safe enough for all students to participate without judgement. 
• Appreciate the growth and development that you see every day in your children. Even when we are not quite perfect, we are growing. Appreciate the willingness to share, the willingness to try, and the courage it takes to be true to yourself in front of your peers. 

If you are a school leader, substitute "staff" or "teachers" for "children" or "class." As a school leader, we are charged with the same mission - to develop the skill set of our learning community. That work takes the same path - you must work through influence and gain the skills necessary to function as a community. We are stronger when we recognize that we are not looking for conformity, but really for a vibrant learning community that supports and engages with the unique differences of each and every one of us. 

Here are some thoughts from Jeanne Gibbs, author of Tribes, on how and why we must think of growth and development differently in our schools and in our classrooms. As you reflect on your practice this week, whether you are a classroom leader or an school building leader, think about the ways that you can promote that growth and development in your students or in your staff. Consider the ways that you can build on what you may have seen as negative skill sets and shift them to under-developed skill sets that you can use to move your classroom or school forward on your path toward achievement. 

Being Gifted

This week I have noticed that the majority of students through the office are our highest students. It makes me remember when I was in third grade - one day, I took my name tag off of my desk, said I quit school, and walked out of the classroom. I am certainly not advocating for students who are disrespectful in the classroom - I merely want to illustrate a point regarding our highest students. We expect our high performers to also be our best behaved students. We expect them to sit still and wait patiently while we teach to the middle. My third grade experience shows what happens when our highest students cannot wait for us to engage them, to challenge them, and to teach them.

So, what prevents us from truly challenging our highest students? Why do we have to develop programs, special classrooms, and even schools for students who are inquisitive, who read voraciously, who think divergently, or who see the world through a different lens?

Gifted students in your classroom may challenge the status quo. They can be seen as disrespectul (or insolent, as my mother liked to say as I was growing up). They can struggle in social situations. They can laugh at things that no one else understands (when I was in 6th grade, I would make up jokes that no one laughed at but me and my parents went to my teacher to ask if there might be something wrong with me). Teachers have to be able to identify these gifted students in order to really maximize their potential and push them to the next level. The teacher who took me into her third grade class after my parents switched my classroom and the teacher who told my parents that I wasn't crazy, just gifted, both had significant impact on the trajectory of my life. Now imagine the power that a teacher can have on the gifted, young, African-American male who is continuously confronted with images of violence and who is conflicted about how he can be both smart and street smart.

We need to be champions of our gifted students. They have to be encouraged, pushed, challenged, and developed. We cannot continue to have an educational system that requires conformity as the mainstay of elementary school instruction and that does not allow students to find appropriate challenges until middle or high school. We cannot hold them responsible to a higher standard of behavior because they are bright. They should not be punished for being precocious or challenging the system. We need to teach them to use their voices - to speak articulately and to channel their passion into causes that are meaningful to them. We must give them purpose. We must push them to imagine, to innovate, to develop their ideas and their skills, and to exceed our expectations and our own skill sets.

When my oldest son was in Kindergarten, he read on a 2nd grade level. The teacher did not believe me when I told her at the beginning of the year, but at parent teacher conferences in October she was excited to tell me that my son could read. When I pushed for instruction at his level, she sent him to another teacher for work on his handwriting for an hour and a half each week (he is now 16 and his handwriting is still completely illegible). My point is that we miss so many opportunities to meet children's needs when we think we are the only ones with the answers. If there is a student in your class who is gifted and you cannot meet their needs, find someone who can. Find a way to push them, engage them, and show them how they can succeed!